Features
The Catholic Messenger, Davenport, Iowa January 31, 2019 Page 5
Q. I received in the mail an unsolicited request for donations from a Catholic charita- ble organization. Included in the mailing was a third-class relic. I do not need to have a third-class relic of an unfamiliar saint in my house. I suppose that I should have mailed it back to the charity immediately, but I no longer have that information. I have not discussed this with my parish, but I doubt that they want to collect unso- licited third-class relics any more than I do. How do I dispose of this item respectfully? (Roanoke, Va.) A. Veneration of relics of the saints has a long history in the church. The Acts of the Apostles (19:11-12) notes that "so extra - ordinary were the mighty deeds God accom- plished at the hands of Paul that when face cloths or aprons that touched his skin were applied to the sick, their diseases left them and the evil spirits came out of them." There are three classes of relics. First class are parts of a saint's body; sec- ond class would be a piece of the saint's clothing or something used by the saint; and third class is an object that has been touched to a first-class relic. Relics of the saints should be treated with the same respect that Canon 1171 awards to other blessed or sacred objects: They should be treated rev- erently, and the basic rule for the disposition has been to burn or to bury them. The website of the Diocese of Superior, Wis., clarifies that "it is not a sin to throw away blessed items, but out of proper respect, one should dispose of them in this way." I agree with you that an organization should not mail out relics unsolicited; to do so risks casual or irreverent treatment, and it doesn't seem fair to burden the recipient with the obli- gation to dispose of them properly. Q. Recently you wrote a column about the voca- tion of singles in the Catholic Church and the need to pray for them. Unfortunately, you left out a whole cohort of peo- ple: single parents. I have heard of only one ministry in the church for us, and it was not in our diocese. We, as single parents, are expect- ed to support, guide and educate our children in a similar fashion to mar- ried folks, but we get none of the time and attention paid to married couples. Maybe it's because the church is run by a bunch of single guys who cannot possibly fathom what it is like to be all alone as a mother or father with the responsibilities of home- care, child care and work life. It is absolutely exhausting, and you are constantly second-guess- ing yourself because you know that the life and welfare of another human being falls totally on your own shoulders and no one else's. Priests should reach out and invite single par- ents to their rectories for meals and recreation. Perhaps, too, you could find married couples who might take single parents under their wings, men- tor them and help see to their needs. (City of ori- gin withheld) A. This writer speaks eloquently to the plight of single parents, not an insignificant segment in contemporary America. I read recently that in the state of New Jersey, 30 per- cent of children currently live in single-parent house- holds. In terms of financial assistance, Catholic Charities in some instances has been able to help; the website of Catholic Charities USA indicates where grants might be available for such needs as housing, medical and den- tal care and legal assis- tance. But with regard to broader programs - such as help with parenting skills - I would agree that the church is only now beginning to catch up with the need. The Archdiocese of Newark, N.J., for instance, offers support groups spe- cific to single parents - providing them an oppor- tunity to associate with their peers and to talk about the various struggles they face bringing up chil- dren alone. Throughout the country a number of individual parishes are beginning to offer similar programs. The parish of St. Stephen in Valley Center, Calif., for example, offers single parents the chance to meet regularly to discuss such challenges as "ride sharing, getting children to and from activities, babysitting, budgeting, planning and dealing with alternate holiday schedules and visitations." I would recommend contacting the family life office in your diocese to see whether such programs might be avail- able locally. (Questions may be sent to Father Kenneth Doyle at askfatherdoyle@gmail.com and 30 Columbia Circle Dr., Albany, N.Y., 12203.)
Fr. Doyle
Fr. Ken Doyle
Question Corner
I went into the movie theater expecting a moving story. I did not expect having to leave during the movie because I was so dis- traught. In the middle of a gory battle, I could acutely feel the soldiers' terror, pain and hope- lessness. I have always been sensitive to oth- ers' emotions. But I first learned in col- lege that there was a term for this heightened sensitivity. At that time, I saw a particularly heart- breaking movie that left me unable to sleep. When I confided in a social work professor some of my unrest, I finally had a label for what I was experiencing: I have a thin empathy barrier. She helped me to realize that the rea- son I can get so emotional or sen- sitive is because I feel what oth- ers are going through. Over the years, I have grown in my knowledge of what it means to have a thin empathy barrier. I know it is one reason I am so drawn to the vulnerable population I work with. I also know it is a double-edged sword; the more I feel, the harder it is to recover from intense situations. I knew working in an intense school would push me to the lim- its. I have seen families with medically fragile children strug- gle to provide for their family; children who cannot speak and who hurt themselves to try and communicate what they need; and children who pass away long before their time. I worried that with constant exposure to these experiences the emotions might become too much and eventually I would start caring less. What I did not anticipate was heightened empathy. I have gotten to a point in my life where I need to carefully monitor what I expose myself to. News stories, movies and books can easily put me over the edge. Even movies I once used to love can bring me to tears. I am learn- ing what it is about these experi- ences that make me feel so much. I am also learning what particular experiences I am most vulnerable to, for our perspec- tives are shaped by our past experiences. I know one of my two biggest triggers is when individuals are self-injurious or unable to love themselves. The second is when others are demonstrating their love of oth- ers, whether in a positive or neg- ative situation, such as a birth or a death. I am affected by these scenarios because I am filled with compassion for the individ- uals and their situation. I know that the intensity of the emotions I feel are just a fraction of what God feels for us. Initially, I was limiting my exposure to these triggers by avoiding movies, etc., in an effort to estab- lish some control and to give me a break from those intense feel- ings. While I still need to monitor what I expose myself to, I am being more open to seeking out these situations, especially the positive ones. I know what I feel is a gift from God and a beautiful sample of his love for us. I know the intensity of my feelings are part of God's plan for me and make me stronger and more compas- sionate. Now, whether I am cry- ing tears of joy or pain, I see God at work in the world and am reminded that God is crying 10 times harder than I am. "The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing" (Zephaniah 3:17). (Jenna Ebener graduated in 2015 with a Master of Social Work from St. Ambrose University in Davenport.)
Ebener
Jenna Ebener
A reflection
Learning to deal with heightened empathy
In recent days, a quirky fad has gone viral: The "Ten Year Challenge." Thousands of peo- ple, from celebri- ties to those unknown, are posting current photographs of themselves on social media next to their photos from a decade past. In part, this is entertainment and a chance to see - with pleas- ure or dismay - the ways in which a decade of life has wrought changes reflected in the faces looking back from the screen. It is an invitation to smirk at questionable fashion choices from 2009 or silently gloat if a recent picture looks better than the old one. Beyond mere entertainment, though, the sudden burst of inter- est in the "Ten Year Challenge" says something fascinating about human nature. Looking at old photographs connects us to our past: who we were, who we are and all that lies between. Juxtaposing an old photo with a new one says a lot about the face in the picture. The look on a face, aged by 10 years, can speak to the ways in which a decade has been kind or how time's trials can make that same face seem wearier than the calendar says it should. The "Ten Year Challenge" craze is likely to disappear as quickly as it roared into social media. But our fascination with images captured in photographs is here to stay. Indeed, when asked to name their most treas- ured possessions, so many answer that it is the family photo- graphs that capture their most special moments - the sono- gram announcing to the world that the miracle of life is renewed again; wedding photographs that record the joy of love promised; anniversary photographs that show the joy of love lived; and photographs of baptisms, first Communions and confirmations that hearken back to those special moments that cleanse, nourish and strengthen the soul. But, then, there are all the other pictures held only in the heart. These are the snapshots of ordinary time. I can see my fami- ly's portrait at Christmas dinner, but my heart treasures the routine family supper on nondescript Thursday nights, and coffees I shared with my mom on Sunday mornings. I can see the photo- graph of my first holy Communion day, but my heart treasures the 937th and the 3,846th ones just as much - if I remember not to take them for granted. I can see my parents' wedding portrait, but my heart treasures the image of them walking to that same church together on Sundays, hand in hand, half a century later. I can see overly serious photographs with my siblings taken on our first day of school each September, but my heart treas- ures all the Friday afternoons we walked home from school togeth- er into the waiting weekend. The "Ten Year Challenge" captures two moments in time, inviting viewers to fill in the gaps and think about all that transpired in someone's life between those two pictures. For most people, those years likely include great highs and great lows. But linking all of these together are days of ordinary times. Now that cameras are ubiqui- tous, more of life's ordinary moments are captured - for bet- ter or worse. Maybe this is a beautiful way of expressing appreciation for preserving ordi- nary moments with the same care once used only for life's land- marks. Yet, what is captured will still always be only a small part of what is treasured in life. What often remains unrecorded any- where but in the heart are those moments that are the most sacred - those moments that remain the sacred snapshots of ordinary times. (Lucia Silecchia is a professor of law at The Catholic University of America. Email her at silec- chia@cua.edu.)
Snapshots of Ordinary Time
Lucia Silecchia
Guest column
Silecchia
Questions on disposing of relics; the church and single parents
CNS/Bob Roller
A relic of St. John Vianney is displayed before Mass Nov. 12 at the fall general assembly of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops in Baltimore.
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